"Haven't"

Haven't learned how to sit with silence
I learned how to move among the people who had know clue of how deafening silence is
Haven't learned that I am truly a child of God
Because I have a fear of letting others into the storm
Profess to be a soldier of love, when really I do not have the inner strength to pick up a an-other level of pain
Haven't learned how to tell you what I really want, need, wish
Cause I was not taught how to dream-so hope is a distance relative who has yet to introduce herself.
Haven't learned how to not wear my passion on my sleeve as if it was a badge of honor.
Cause I have been placed in harms way. Been told I am use-less to even be used-tossed aside
Haven't learned how to look people in the eyes and show them my soul
Cause my ears are glued shut from all the chaos-of years of yearning for mother love or father stern look.
Haven't learned to say I am afraid of myself and the ability I have to create places of resistance
Cause I can't see you through the water gushing out of every place it can- I think I have sprung a leak
Haven't learned how to love because love ran away from me
Cause I pushed too hard, or move to slow, or I was not enough.
Haven't learned how to please me....cause I do not know me the way you think I do.