Freedom is my Oxygen

Dwana Smallwood says, "Dance is my Oxygen" I have spoken to her about this statement and heard her clearly when she spoke.... been meditating on what that means: 

I have come up with this... statements about where I am in life and why I feel like I am without my breathe in the hopes of letting it all go... here is to full filling an ebo:

I feel breathless because people have been treating me as if I do not matter since the day I was born, from the molester, to the rapist, to the abuser, to the employer, to the friend. 

I feel breathless because when I am honesty upfront and at the ready, humans use that as a way to manipulate and oppress me and others that support me and then lie to get themselves out of it

I feel breathless because I believe in the people that look like me but they often tell me things like "you are not black enough", "you do not belong here:, "this is not your tradition", "how dare you do something different", "how can you say you black and you have not  [insert word here]" 

I feel breathless because human are jealous that I pass Orisha, but have no idea what it means to be the vessel that Orisha uses to walk to the earth-trust me I do not want this particular gift especially considering I have a nerve disorder and I am always in pain 

I feel breathless because I would rather spend my days with children than in the company of adults because they suffocate me with their  isms, and lies, and jaded experiences. All the while simultaneously in validating mine. 

I feel breathless because my freedoms and liberties are judged, teased and talked about as if I am not in the room. 

I feel breathless because I do not know how to control the rage inside of me when people are mean and pluck all my feathers. When all I want to do is love all the humans and build with them. 

I feel breathless because no one wants to consciously love me , but they want to use me for sex, or my mind, or for my intelligence, or for my connection or for me ability to come up with a solution to any problem

I feel breathless because the humans: Steal my creativity and market it as there own yet never pay me the 10%. Although if the show were on the other foot they would demand I pay it. 

I feel breathless because I have never receive what I give from humans. My allegiance does not waiver nor is it faulty. 

I feel breathless because I have standards, and dreams and goals I pursue with precision. 

I feel breathless, that I have no support financial, physical, situational from my family who treats me as it I were the devil himself. 

I feel breathless because as a result of all of this I am afraid of my beauty and how someone else wants to manipulate it. And think they are "running game"

I feel breathless that I settled for less than I am worth just to have human touch. Withdrawing emotions from an account that is in a major deficit.. Love is not what I get when I settle..

I feel breathless because I am smoothed and overwhelmed. 

I feel breathless because I need my spiritual freedom like it is the blood in my body and I would rather die than to continue to exist this way.... 

Freedom is my Oxygen---this is what I need. 

inspired by Jezebel Delilah