Motives

For the last three hours I have been sitting here, trying to understand the false motives of others. I have been consumed with the infantile stupidity of children who call themselves men. I have been in my head, stripping this person of all of their goods and wealth. 

Heavy is the head tonight ya'll... I was recently contacted by a person who I blocked on IG and FB and my life about 8weeks ago in regards to something that was done as a direct trespass against me. Yet my character was called into question. I posted something here that was a positive. About the situation, I told the truth, I called them phony but I also forgave them for their phony ways. I forgave them for their trespasses against me. And it hurt to forgive them I wanted to hate them. Both of them for all they had taken from me, my kindness, my time, my love, my money. 

However for the last three hours I have been stewing in my own juices. I have been attempting to find the good in a cowardly text that created agitation? You text me and tell me to keep your name out my mouth, funny I do not say your name, nor hers anymore. But one of you on this list of people feel its okay to start shit. One of you feels its okay for you to do the following:

1. Search my IG for the post (its almost 2month old) 
2. Call this person and show them, because they are blocked
3. Have a conversation about me with them when you have no idea why I said what I said.
4. Then pick up the phone and TEXT me not call TEXT me, that tells me you where my judge and jury in one stroke, you did not want a fucking answer you wanted to hear yourself talk. 
5. Then tell me Fuck you and have a good life and when you did not get  rise our of me, you keep texting so I finally tell you:

"you shouldn't threaten ppl. words have power. this is all. you are blocked and deleted and NEVER SALUTE ME OR BABA. We good."- (direct from the text I sent you so who ever is going to show you this post get it right.)

And I am the one who has to watch my temper and my words. I am so tired of being the "good" one. I am sick of always holding space for good when people, who act as if they are good hold know space for me. 

HAVE SEVERAL SEATS. Not only are you younger than me in life you are younger than me in this tradition, I will never have to doable to you. And I am being arrogant and cocky in this moment. Oh the vile things I want to say to you. And to think I fucking helped do the ego for her to get you….and this is how you both treat me. GTOHWTBS!!

I am writing this but the anger consumes me, my ears are hot. My forehead is throbbing because I want to harm you now. I have been sucking on ice for 3 hours. It keeps melting. You attack my character, my decision to remove me from the equation and you call yourself grown. And all the while I have done EVERYTHING IN MY POWER to work on me to make me better which included removing you from my life. I did not want to deal with the insurmountable hurt I felt at the hands of your and she, for your involvement in the transgression, but you text me OUT THE FUCKING BLUE. And you make the point to attempt to destroy my joy. When I have left you alone. And the thing that burns me up more than anything this is the "post" in question you called me about is, if the person who was really showing you something, had they told you I forgave you in that post, had they told you that I named your name but I named it to FORGIVE YOU to release you from the anger I had….I forgave you for your ignorance. 

Oh, and you tell me you have my back and you defended me: Thank you but no thank you I do not want your ache on anything remotely related to me. You need not defend me, Odu does, Olofi does, Ifa does and MY FATHER does. 

LET ME MAKE THIS REAL FUCKING CLEAR TO YOU ABOUT HAVING MY BACK:

1. You have never had my back, you have only protected your interest. I listen to you to understand you, to study your thought process to gain insight on who you are, and what you are about. 
2. You are exactly what I called you because you are still playing into a 'game' that someone else created, you are not the master of your own divinity. You moved cause Geppetto said move. Puppet. <-- i="" it.="" li="" said="" yup="">
3. I currently do not have a home of my own, and you have NEVER ONCE SAID COME EAT FOOD, COME REST YOUR SOUL, COME FEEL BETTER ABOUT LIFE IN FUCKING GENERAL COME RELAX WHERE YOU ARE WELCOMED. However I have purchased thousands of dollars of food, clothes and time for you and your girlfriends children. 
4. You would not know what support looked like if it hit you in the face. And you threaten me? Really, you a man try and intimidate and threaten me? Where is your good fucking character. 
5. Next time you want to confront someone do not do it through text have the fucking balls to break bread and discuss it like a gentlemen learn some fucking manors. Please do not get made that I have more balls than you. 
6. I stopped saying your name about 5 months ago. So there was no reason to contact me none. I let you go the day I told you I was done with you. Did you not notice I never really spoke to you the last time I saw you, and I  made sure I stayed the fuck away from you. 
7. Stay on your side of the street and I will stay on my side of the street. I say this nicely but if you approach please no I am armed and dangerous.
8. I will continue to pray for your enlightenment. I will continue to pray for your growth. I will continue to ask Baba to bless you with life. I will continue to ask Baba to shift my anger to LOVE so I can hold you in the high esteem. 
9. And, oh by the way you told me I would not have a good life and I needed to grow up. I am fucking grown. Wanna know why, because I did not respond to the original transgression. I let that shit go because I never had to open my mouth I let my ache do it. I sat back and watched you do exactly what I thought you would.  
10. I want to impress upon you to develop your IWAPELE. Not what you think that shit is, I want you to develop you from the inside out. I walk with Baba, not with these fools. 

I am so upset. I am starting to see floaters. I need to purge again. I may or may not be back. I just want to be left alone and drama free, but no YOU gotta come for me, when I am over here chilling. I did not call you when I made the post, I forgave you. I did not indemnify your name.I did not threaten you, I exhaulted you in the highest regard and you tell me to grow up! 

KICK FUCK ROCK AND SUCK ON SOME EXHAUST!