Reflections Eternal

Greetings: Salutations, Namaste: 

Time has found its self escaping me as I took the scroll and dedicated myself to a journey of mental freedom, physical freedom, and reshaping my existence. 

For the last few months I have been reflecting on the ideas I created in my time of need. This time is upon me now more so than ever before. I have been thinking about the prayers I sent to Olofi/ Oludumare (God in the Yoruba Cosmology) and how they have been made manifest in my life. The words chosen. The intent behind them and conviction to ask. I have been thinking about every prayer I have made to Obatala, every ebo (offering) I have conjured and or been told to do.....

For no reason other than taking the time to take the time to truly look at me. Without the lenses of "outside", involved. I cancelled/deactivated my Facebook account as you all know I do often to work on the level of anger I was walking around with. I am not perfect at all nor do I consider myself a saint. What I am is human and like most humans we all want the same things: 

1. to be accepted

2. to be validated

3. to be heard 

4. to be cared for 

5. to be cared about 

6. To be loved

7. to be thought of

8. to be respected

In my absence away from the trending topics of the latest notifications, I found all of those things laying inside my soul. I had the space and time to allow my energy to settle enough to hear the ancestors as they spoke. My reflections this time was and is still so personal its most difficult to write these words. 

When ones soul has been bruised it is often times seemingly impossible to amend the broken spirit. However we must. I have learned from the Pastor man that forgiveness is not for the other person it is for self mostly and as a result it is the self that heals. 

With that, I have done a whole lot of forgiving and close reading of my ita. 

I have been humiliated and embarrassed and I believe I responded in the best fashion I knew how. I was wrong. 

One negative action does not in turn deserve another negative action. I apologize to all who may or may not have been harmed by my words, anger and absolute frustration with life its self. I apologize I was not mature enough to say: 

"You crushed my spirit with your actions and tainted my experience of community by the way I was dismissed, I apologize I was not able to say at the base of it all really was my inability to not respond that made a mole hill a mountain, I apologize I aired my dirty laundry in a public way... for that I apologize". 

The other part of forgiveness is knowing that the work done will pan out the way in with which it should. I have learned more about faith in the past four months than I have in my short lived life. 

A few reflections ago I wrote these words: 

I somewhere in my spirit asked God to give/ bless me with the title of "mommy" and to have a family, and a community to interact with on a spiritual level. 

"I after 10 or so years of praying and "doing the doing" with "doing the work" have created that. I have actually taken the time to cultivate relationship with people that are not of my blood kin group. I have sisters and uncles and nieces and nephews that I treat and love like we share the same blood. I am often called "Mama" by the younger ones and respectfully looked at and cared for by the elders in "my community" I am making all of this known because my reflection today and where my conversation about letting the magic happen went...I was neatly placed at these two challenges"

Some of those words remain true. Some need to be reshaped and then others, well the other words that do not fit must be removed, replaced and reinserted. 

I have learned what family is, and does. What having someone at your side means and what it means when that allegiance is simply a means to and end. 

In the last four months I have made ME. Selfishly me the priority. I have forgotten about others, removed my accessibility and not cared as I did before if my phone rang or I received the latest trend. 

What I learned more than anything else is I love me. I am in love with who I am and I wouldn't change anything about me. I also learned that many do not put their money where their mouth is. 

So, THANK YOU TO EVERY HUMAN THAT TOOK THE TIME TO TAKE THE TIME TO REACH OUT TO ME, To call me to say hey, haven't seen your face, or heard your voice just wanted to check in on you. Thank you to every human that thought of me and knows the details and has held me in your prayer good bad and indifferent. Thank you to the people who have done juju against me you have made me want life more now than before. 

I thank, the gods for my recent experiences and exchanges. I am so blessed and so full of life, I am beyond grateful for being able to see through the "Ala". 

As the new year comes to a head I pray you all wealth, clarity, heart, valor, wisdom, true friendship, love, honesty and most of all SELF. May you love your SELF more than anything else. 

Todays Reflection: 

I challenge you to look at those around you and find the blessing as to why they are in your life. 

To understand the role they play in how you interact, why you do and what you gain from the relationship. I pray these are healthy reciprocation based relationships. (that is if the relationship is balanced).

I challenge you to remember the prayers you prayed for these people in your life and recognize who they are and if they should remain in the position they are in. 

You never know doing this examination/cleansing may help you clean out the wheat from the weeds. This will also assist you in not "judging your brothers and sisters too harshly." 

Today I also challenge you to begin to clean out your spaces/ places and corners. In this cleaning remember those that came before you to allow you to be where you are this will help you determine if you are moving in a positive direction or if you are not in a direction at all. This will also help you "tap into the power of the ancestors for a while".

This, challenge for me took the shape of talking to my almost 88 (almost 89 now) year old grandma about the relationship I had/have with my biological mother. And the reason for my anger and disbelief in family. She helped me remember as well as clean out my anger and create a space for them in my heart and spiritual psyche. 

(Sidenote: Not every challenge requires a physical response, some are food for thought).

and after all of that, "let the magic happen", don't stop doing the work just let the magic happen...

Reflections Eternal-