Letter to Black women: Letting go of Victim Consciousness (part 2) [UPDATED: section 2.]

Greeted People you are: 

the transformation and transference

Gliding the winds change

The secrets of the 'mothers': 

Iyami Osrunga, the witches, the great lagbalagba

The kiss of the buffalo women: 

and the lifting of her skirt, the revealing

the discovery of the truth

The call to reclaim womb space: 

I humbly serve you…

(Please do not stone the messenger)  

Reflection brings me to “LOVE”. ‘LOVE’ oh ‘LOVE’ how you have played tango with my emotions from the moment you said you wanted to fill my dance card…up until this moment of me typing those words... always so pleasant to hear that word especially from you, however with the words that follow-I hope this is not be seen as disrespectful to the path or process anyone's Ori (inner God Consciousness in Yoruba cosmology, I.E: Jiminy Cricket) is on- that would be foolish, I will however illuminate something’s that I was not aware of that should be brought out of the dark, and illuminated along the path…. This is a part of a pledge I have for my sisters and myself.

These things will help you not fall into the pits of hell. (Hell is the darkness inside your own spirit and no ones else can take you there but you)

You may find fault with my direct writing approach and my lack luster subtle use of things that make sense to me, but I do not want to sugar coat these emotions, fears nor idea that got us here in the first place, and I am not apologetic about it. It is a part of my fundamental belief system that these things although few are the triggers for our dismantling as WOMEN. Especially when speaking about the African in an academic way. Often times things are sugar coated for our white counter parts to swallow. (Dr. Haroon Kareem, turned me onto a GREAT book that puts that in perspective: Look him up because the title escapes me). 

I am not speaking to them. Hell I am not even speak to the sistah that doesn’t want to hear me, I am speaking to the sistah that wants more, to the sistah that KNOWS she is more.  I am speaking to the woman in me. I am speaking to the ZULU warrior embedded in my soul, my “Matagari” if you will (read the book). I am speaking to the negative ideological construct of woman and BLACK womanhood I see being up held and not dismantled by our captors, hell do you even realize how much we have been conditioned? I am speaking to my unborn girl child. I am speaking to you! And I am and will keep it 100!

One sistah's open letter to fellow sistah’s KNOWN and unknown, far and wide: 

“A reminder of the things needed to purge” 

Sistah; 

We are two of a kind, sistah you been on my mind heavy… heavy is the burden of truth these days, 

            "Chile, get your whole life" pick up each and every last one of those pieces on the floor that you have assigned to other people. Pick’em up honey...pick up ya mess. And throw it away, dump it somewhere no one else can find it, because it bears NO fruit. Allow me to explain to you why I started there with a southern colloquiums such as this one. This one laced with the voice our of most recent ancestors, tainted with the idea of how they would speak to me today as I envision their great wisdom. Laced with subtle sweet overtures of "Mammy", reprimanding one of the children she didn't bare yet is responsible for. Now sit down, and let me talk to your spirit for a while. You will feel uncomfortable in your skin, you may even hate me and wanna hit me when you see me. Good it means I am striking a cord, hitting a nerve and I pray you are FULLY awoken once done. I pray your soul seek out to make reparations and attempts to at least learn how too break the varied negative cycles of pathologies that are destroying us one by one. That you at minimum sit in a place of reflection and deep spiritual overhaul. 

It is your responsibility to understand the spot you are currently standing. Do you know where you are? Do you know who you are? Do you even know how you got here? Do you understand the bigger picture? Do you have even a glimpse of understand of the journey you are on? Stop looking outside and look INSIDE.

DISCLAIMER: I will never strongly suggest you do anything I have not done, tried, am trying and currently doing, I am my first guinea pig always, so know I an harder on me than on you all reading and sharing this.

The reasons you here right now, are because you are full of fear, jealousy, indecision, manipulations, stuck in the dynamic of "power and control", and self-hate for those who look like you and you do not even know it. Have several seats. Matter of fact glue your mouths shut for a while. So busy being self righteous, and full of right you forgot how to learn to compromise. You forgot we are not a “I” group of people. You have forgotten that your negative traits are leaving a trail of excrement that is beginning to make you smell foul.  You are so lost you do not EVEN FEEL AFRICA in your veins anymore. You have become American.

            Go learn something about what it is to be a woman that does not involve taking your clothes off or open your legs! Maybe you can learn of Mr. Josephine Baker, or Lena Horne, Ma Rainey, and other blues women. Learn something about the art of seduction before you try to run the game. Put your clothes back on to your body, your temple your place of recreation. Must the clothing that your drape yourself be so tight? That it is hard for your to breath? We, the ones watching commenting and starring know you fly on the outside what about your insides? Are your insides fortified with solids that are strong enough to withstand the spiritual war we are currently handling?  

Stop having an opinion about EVERYTHING and let someone LOVE YOU!!!!! The whole you. As was said to me just recently  are you even willing to be vulnerable with yourself?

I am telling you I talk to me like this because I have to be real with me just the way I am with you so please know I am talking to me as well. Are you able to sit in silence with your self and think beyond what is feed to you? Can you figure out of to build and clean your environment without "wanting to be like others", are you versed in continent that gave birth to your DNA, or have you become so American that you find no interest in knowing where your started?  

I know several married couples who LOVE each other dearly and I have to tell you, what I learned most from my "Iya" (god mother in Yoruba cosmology) who is 15  years the junior to her husband is that sometimes , one must shut up, and be a wife. That there are duties that are involved in being a wife and a husband. I can only address the wife's position because of my biological gender. We have to learn how to care for self while caring for our mate: Male or Female. We have to learn how to be a partner in a world that tells us that are not meant to be partners to anyone or anything. 

            I have seen first hand- the subjective nature of our often times non-altruistic- demeanor, that presents its self in the form of an exhausted, often over worked WOMAN OF COLOR, A BLACK WOMAN, ME.  I call it the “why? Today God? Why me today?” energy. This energy is there because these women for generations have held their families blood line even societies together. All while all the odds are agains them. 

 My mother, my grandma,  my Iya and countless other women- that look like me- experience this feeling often, the thing that those women have that we do not is, their eyes on God. They have a deep spiritual connection to the world that moves around them.  This is why they are still able to move faster than us, are healthier than us and have their wits about them.  They have not put their faith in earthly men. All those women of varying backgrounds have put their trust in the God, Olofi, Olorun, Jehovah, Yahweh, Buddha the name not important, they have and posses the energy of their spiritual icon. That is WISDOM. Those women are strong minded and have phenomenal constitutions. I digress 

Girl, why are you so negative and anti anything-it seems at most times? Whys is your first response to anything that is not the status quo so negative and your reject the notion of 'different'?  Anything that seems to bleed the possibility of positive is grilled on the negative pit, that’s defeatism at its best. I wished I could say that you are only negative sometimes but your general disposition is placed in the minus negative category, often. Whether it be skin color, who one sleeps with, how one choose to live ones life, even to which God they serve and how they serve that God. Check yourself and see if you respond from the pits of the negative batter. Check to see if you belittle the ideology of one who may be different then your norm? 

When will you take responsibility for your actions? 

Your crimes against another sister, another member or your ancestrial army? Why do you alienate and push aside anything that is new, and different?   

We do not even know the difference at times to what we should see as negative and how we act to positive, verse what we ASSUME the situation to be.  We have and are -it seems- "like them”! 

Where did reason and logic go? 

Where did sympathy and compassion dissipate too? 

What happen to our spiritual connection? 

What happen to having a conversation with the great spirit and the mothers?

Did you loose it in that Indian weave and dark and lovely? Has the 'Creamy crack' (perm) got you? 

What happen to talking to your sisters? Really talking to your sisters? What happen to embracing and taking in those without a connection? To taking care of the widow and the Orphan? 

Not using violence to solve your problems? 

When did you loose your voice? 

Do you realize you have given away all of your power?

We all have talked about “how” and “what” we do not want to be, however we are becoming those very things, we are the stereotypical “angry black woman”, or the “jezebel”. We have been breed to believe that the soup that feeds us is actually given us nourishment for our souls. Ha! how UN true this is. This soup that we are being feed in this country first of all isn’t real food! It is so medical unpalatable and destroying our digestive track, that it is producing and forcing our young girls to bleed years before their time.  Secondly if anything it’s ripping our souls apart from the inside out... check to see if you still have your shadow. 

However, what we have not been paying attention too is the 'nature of the beast' we have been trying to clean and clear off our skin that which is African. TO take on a different shell, called I am proud to be an American. Throwing aware our connection to our ancestors plight and erasing their plight of the ancestors before them.... I am Africa you are AFRICA. 

From the moment you are born you are a representative of AFRICA and ambassador if you will. 

My question is why you demeaning yourself as simply a whore? Video-vixen? Imbecile? Not as intelligent as your male counter part? Exaggerating your body parts to simply be seen as a sex object? Are now hooked on the 'creamy-crack and drinking the purple flavored kool-aid' that you have forgotten to water and nourish your roots? 

I digress again, for that I apologize. In writing this letter to myself I thought it was a cathartic exercise now it is a full on letter to the women in me and of the world or women I will come to know and embrace as sisters. 

Ask yourself:

-What does it mean for me to be a woman? 

-Do my actions match my womanhood? 

-Am I doing the best with what God (of your own understanding) gave me?

-Am I representing my ancestors properly? 

(Love: this question cause my man spirit guide ‘Georgia’ 

who while she was living was a prostitute

and she told me to say that to you all, cause she said she ended up 

dead, cause she didn't know what it meant to be woman, 

and although "I" died a Madam. 

My girls ran they own lives, in the end…) 

-How are you living? 

-Where is God on your spiritual plate? 

-Young girls do you even love yourself? 

Those questions lead me to these topics:

1.Self Care

2.Respect of Time

3.Setting a Standard

4.Articulation / Communication

5.LOVE

1. Self Care:

There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ~ Anais Nin ~

Sounds so simple right?  Incorrect: (In my humble opinion) 

Self care: 

does not simply mean taking care of self. Yes, it means initially taking care of yourself- however upon further research  it also encompasses the concept of caring for those around you. Simply put if you are caring for yourself then you are in turn caring for those around you. We are not naturally selfish creatures. And as black women we are natural nurturers. I am not talking about physical taking care either I am talking about caring for yourself in all aspects of life: SPIRITUAL, SPATIALLY, EMOTIONALLY, SITUATIONAL, etc., Black woman, you need to let your hair down, unwind, and remove yourself from the fear of larceny! Allow me to explain. There are some things in this category that got you here. Admittedly, so it was hard to come to this conclusion because I was not willing to see myself as weak. I had the wrong definition of what 'vulnerability' is and truly about.  As I have come to a place within myself of understanding what I want in a mate I have had to look at myself and I understood I was not willing to get vulnerable. I understood that I was not willing to let go of the fortress I have built called: You, can not hurt me.  I was wrong. vulnerability is crucial to building the life you want.  

-Vulnerability-

You are strong but you need a shoulder too. Hell, I know I did and because I was too busy being strong when I looked around I had no shoulders in my time of need. Being too strong you will crumble at some point when a harsh wind approaches. Not every man or woman you meet is out to get you. I am learning this myself. Know, that it is defeatist attitude to assume that because a sistah is reserved and withdrawn that she is stank? Why does smiling at you harm you? What about showing your softer side to the world compromises your strength? Self-preservation is a way of taking care too. Not joining the crowd and not always being accessible are not cause to call someone stank. They are causing to harm someone who may just be seeking true sisterhood. When you put the wall up you turn people off, try meeting them where they are.

“If my blood take your blood” you will know. "We can see the pain in your forced smile, smile from the heart and you will see LOVE"- says the people at my neck

A person who comes to you with “hurt options”; know they have been hurt too. A person who comes to your with the wall up know they have been through the valley of the shadows of trials and tribulation and maybe seeking refuge, trying to be a 'shoulder' before you are the arbiter or judgment. 

Believe, these words or not, however if you want new and different, try believing: I dare you to try vulnerability.  

It has worked for and against me however I got right back up. I was able to have the experience, what I have learned is to help without harming to receive without expectation and to live in the present. I am by know means healed and by no means gullible but what I am is in a place of receiving love. 

TRUE VULNERABILITY

Find it with someone or you will never find out what your or his or her true potential is- so get out of the victim consciousness and explore the consciousness of vulnerability

KNOW ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE! 

-Stop being insecure-

FIND YOURSELF


You came here alone and even if you are a twin (like myself) you are a different person and you still came in this world alone, one at a time, the twins as I have come to know them Tawio and Khinde!  

Different people. 

-Lose the "Traits of insecurity"-

 1. Searching through their phone- 

You have your own phone grow up? If he or she cannot tell you what it is you want to know, and you somewhere in your body cannot TRUST that, then you need to not be in that relationship to begin with. Trust your instinct but check in as well. If your relationship hasn’t been built on trust then you aren’t really in a relationship and you both where “beards” for each other in some sense.  Please don't hear that I am simple just siding with men. I am not.  

We women are the keepers of tradition. The barometers of measurement, we are the boundary to the black family; we are the purveyors of LOVE and the keepers of time. Be that, nothing else but that, be present in all you do, AWAKEN THE BUDDHA with in.

 2. Accusing them of cheating-

Well let see if you stop responding "fine", and "ok", when something doesn't agree with your spirit, and RIGHT THEN AND THERE you address it you would not have to live with those feelings of insecurity. Right then is the proper time to say it doesn't agree with you. YOU NOW HAVE permission to calmly speak to your mate and discuss what is bothering you. Not weeks later when you have snooped through their phone, alienated them and out right made a fool of you... 

  3. Lying to keep them-

If you are lying to yourself then stop. Stop that right now. Just stop. If you are not able to verbalize all your wants to your mate then that person should not be your mate. If you are unable to tell the blatant truth to your mate then you probably shouldn’t be in that position. 

The prime example that comes to mind is no matter the type of relationship were you maybe lying:

A heterosexual person may say to there a mate: I am pregnant

A Homosexual person may say to their mate: Yes, I am open, to open relationship. 

If that is not your truth then do not declare it NEVER do anything against your will or instinct.

 4.Touching what’s mine

Call me an extremist if you will but if that HUMAN in front of you is in a ‘situation’ and you are aware of this, why are you still engaged in conversation? Why are you still entertaining the madness? Oh and please do not hear that I am anti- polygamy or polygamous relationships I am not, I am against lying, cheating, keeping your mate in the dark, unlabeled relationships, anyone who does not tell the complete truth.

I am against the sentiment behind the words: Boo, Bae, Baby. ( I usually say learn how to say my name before you change my name Yes, I am very liberal with something’s, however with this I am a prude:  allow me to explain from my experiences.

When you allow yourself to be “considered” as other and not as the date, the girlfriend, the fiancé and or the wife you are not given credence to the position you play in that person’s life. You in turn do not “live” anywhere in that person mind; you are a number or an option. My sistah, I am never optional.  It took me going through a lot of unnecessary HURT to understand I come first. This is also a noble truth… to understand the conditions of human suffering

There is so much more to this category, this just a start and know it is not easy so I tell you this with much confidence try it out and look at the results.

I do not want anyone else to be like me I do however want you to wake up and start holding people in our life responsible STARTING WITH SELF…

5. Communication is key-

Men are not mind readers, neither are women for that matter, even if they are connected to their spiritual selves. I have a hard time communication when it comes to interpersonal relationship, however I have had to learn how to take a deep breath and say what needs to be said. Vulcan like- without the connection to the emotions: simply because I have not learn how to master my emotions which at times are insurmountable when it comes to stating an emotion. It is still important to talk things through even if you stumble at first. You must state what you clearly are feeling without violence and negative speech. Doing so is the first step to vulnerability. Please be advised that you will have to learn how to navigate these conversations, so that they are not laced with lies and manipulation. You must learn to also be as honest and fourth coming as possible if you want the relationship to last a long time.    

2. Respect of Time

The people we are in relationship with are always a mirror, reflecting our own beliefs,

simultaneously we are mirrors, reflecting their beliefs. So... relationship [especially those of my fellow sisters are/] is one of the most powerful tools for growth.... If we look honestly at our relationships, we can see so much about how we have created them.~ Shakti Gawain ~

We, living in America have all heard the age old adage of "Time is money"! I ask you what else is time? Is time not ones moment of serious reflection? It, 'time' is a way to propel yourself forward? Is it not the moment to be present? As in "the time is now"? Time as we know it is also linear, it is going on a straight line.  What I bring to you with this category of respect of time is the moment to look back and attempt to set the pass a new. I, have brought to you a moment of deep healing reflection. 

This category of time we will address Shame, Manipulation/Power. 

Shame

As we stay with this feeling, we [women, specifically black women] become aware that we are not being very loving toward ourselves and or others. [We see it as a moment to lend a hand to "power" (see next steps)]. When we place blame, and insert fears we do this as a defense mechanism and in turn based on repeated experience do not allow the self to grow. 

As Marian Williamson says in a return to love:


Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

We inherently stunt our own growth, hinder the process and place boundaries and "shame' inappropriately.  This is what Williamson is not giving credence too, the idea that you have to "shame" someone to feel better than them, it is not needed. What often happens-too often if you ask me- Black women tend to be shameful to each other in micro-aggressive ways. This is especially true for the educated black woman (professional) To have an embarrassment or humiliation affixed to your need to grow and gather knowledge is to allow the energy of shame to fester and grow. In other words it aint nothing to it but to do it. This is the conversation of shame. You must ask yourself some questions: 

Do I even love myself to know and to recognize that I am worthy of my own love, and the love of others? 

To know the respect, that comes with [purely] loving someone from an honest place? 

Do I know what an honest place is? Enough to know how not to manipulate ones times? Energy or am I creating a divergence in their journey with my own misguided delusion? 

I used to think that I am not worthy of those things because I am not loving my self then I changed my thinking and in the moment of now I try to notice when I “shame” myself with words or feelings! We as adults do this is so many ways, and as women we do this by shaming our sisters and closing our arms to them. We, often times isolate the ones who is or whom seems different from the group and create moments of divergent behavior  that leads to social dynamics of assumed power. Mental prowess. 

I ask you what is power? 

How is power used? 

Do you give away your power?

Is saying nothing leaving you powerless? 

I know that I need to stay with these feelings, work through them, and become aware that I am not being loving towards those around me and myself. In this moment of shame, it is simply being conscious to the issue that will allow one to recognize the disconnect. In this area of reflection: Practice makes perfect.

Doing this awakens the senses in a different way. I noticed as I have been doing this that I appear "snobbish", and "better than". When in reality I am merely transparently honest honest in my intention. I am learning to not say things about what I see because it will appear to be negative things, when in reality because I am seen as adverse nothing I say can be positive a lot of the time this is difficult so I keep my mouth shut.[UPDATED]

-Manipulation / Power:

When we manipulate others to do what we want them to do versus what they want to do this is a disrespect to their Ori (God consciousness in Yoruba cosmology). Manipulation is also a degradation of time. When we take someone off their journey consciously we are becoming masters of manipulation and exploiting their time. We as humans and especially as woman must learn to how to not manipulate but to communicate what we need from those around us without any energy attached. We must learn how to as it has been said take the good with the bad. If we continue to give without an agenda or a need for manipulation we are growing from a place of continued service. 

The dictionary definition of Manipulation (Manipulate is as follows

manipulate |məˈnipyəˌlāt|

verb [ with obj. ]

1 handle or control (a tool, mechanism, etc.), typically in a skillful manner: he manipulated the dials of the set.

• alter, edit, or move (text or data) on a computer.

• examine or treat (a part of the body) by feeling or moving it with the hand: a system of healing based on manipulating the ligaments of the spine.

2 control or influence (a person or situation) cleverly, unfairly, or unscrupulously: the masses were deceived and manipulated by a tiny group.

• alter (data) or present (statistics) so as to mislead.

One must ask themselves: 

Is this an honest situation or am I using my power and status to manipulate the outcome? 

If you can honestly answer the question with an astonding no, then you should proceed. If you have any amount of hesitation you must ask yourself:

What am I to gain from manipulating this situation?

Am I being larcenous in my actions? 

Could I do this without the manipulation and gather the same results?

Am I respecting this persons/people's time? 

Today reflections:

To examine where you are, and how you are when you are there, I challenge you to let go of the negative and embrace the positive. I challenge you to awaken the Buddha within; the very next reflection will have the third section and so on, until I have a complete letter.

Thank you to everyone the reads these reflections, that embraces some of them and that tell me I should be more In the world and even thank you to the negative ones for it is you that I still hold in silent prayer….

Reflections Eternal-