"Big girls don't cry” (title inspired by Matti Davis rendition of this song)

Punishment is easy

when it comes

to little ole

me

Only emotion that 

seems to have 

permanent residency: abandonment 

Beating my flesh 

isn't difficult 'cause 

I've learned to 

turn off all 

emotion Im used

to being gotten 

rid of: released

My insides have 

given up on 

the idea : hope

Some expectations of 

what someone else 

wanted me to 

be have not 

been lived up

to at all 

personal: comedic tragedy 

Consciously I don't

know how to

let you be 

in control of 

all that is 

now called: me 

No words seal

the relinquishing of 

power to an 

unknown spirit: force 

For years Ive 

punished myself for

having breathe a 

decision I don't 

get to decided

I didn't choose

my faith its

been left up 

to Olofi-(God) 

No punishment there

this invisible entity

that I am 

told is supposed 

to know me 

simply: "Loves Me" 

29 December 2015