Open letter to Black women from a. black woman: reshaping Me.

Greeted People you are

With the winds change

The secrets of the mothers: Iyami Osrunga,

The kiss of the buffalo women

And the call to reclaim womb space: 

I humbly serve you…

(Please do not stone the messenger)  

Reflection brings me to “LOVE”. ‘LOVE’ oh ‘LOVE’ how you have played tango with my emotions from the moment you said you wanted to fill my dance card…up until this moment of me typing those words... always so pleasant to hear that word especially from you, however with the words that follow-I hope this is not be seen as disrespectful to the path or process anyone's Ori (inner God Consciousness in Yoruba cosmology, I.E: Jiminy Cricket) is on- that would be foolish, I will however illuminate something’s that I was not aware of that should be brought out of the dark, and illuminated along the path…. This is a part of a pledge I have for my sisters and myself.

These things will help you not fall into the pits of hell. (Hell is the darkness inside your own spirit and no ones else can take you there but you)

You may find fault with my direct writing approach and my lack luster subtle use of things that make sense to me, but I do not want to sugar coat these emotions, fears nor idea that got us here in the first place, and I am not apologetic about it. It is a part of my fundamental belief system that these things although few are the triggers for our dismantling as WOMEN. Especially when speaking about the African in an academic way. Often times things are sugar coated for our white counter parts to swallow. (Dr. Haroon Kareem, turned me onto a GREAT book that puts that in perspective: Look him up because the title escapes me). 

I am not speaking to them. Hell I am not even speak to the sistah that doesn’t want to hear me, I am speaking to the sistah that wants more, to the sistah that KNOWS she is more.  I am speaking to the woman in me. I am speaking to the ZULU warrior embedded in my soul, my “Matagari” if you will (read the book). I am speaking to the negative ideological construct of woman and BLACK womanhood I see being up held and not dismantled by our captors, hell do you even realize how much we have been conditioned? I am speaking to my unborn girl child. I am speaking to you! And I am and will keep it 100!

My open letter to the many black women and me I know

“A reminder of the things we need to purge”

Sistah; 

We are two of a kind, sistah you been on my mind heavy….

            "Chile, get your whole life" pick up each and every last one of those pieces on the floor that you have assigned to other people. Pick’em up honey pick up ya mess. Allow me to explain to you why I started there with southern colloquiums such as this one. Laced with subtle sweet overtures of "Mammy", reprimanding one of the children she didn't bare yet is responsible for. Now sit, down and let me talk to your spirit for a while. You will feel uncomfortable in your skin, you may even hate me and wanna hit me when you see me. Good it means I am striking a cord, hitting a nerve and I pray you are FULLY awoken once done.  

It is your responsibility to understand the spot you are currently standing. Do you know where you are? Do you know who you are? Do you even know how you got here? Stop looking outside and look INSIDE.

DISCLAIMER: I will never strongly suggest you do anything I have not done, tried, am trying and currently doing, I am my first guinea pig always, so know I an harder on me than on you all reading and sharing this.

The reasons you here right now, are because you are full of fear, jealousy, indecision, manipulations and self-hate for those who look like you and you do not even know it. Have several seats. Matter of fact glue your mouths shut for a while. So busy being self righteous, and full of right you forgot how to learn to compromise. You forgot we are not a “I” group of people. You are so lost you do not EVEN FEEL AFRICA in your veins anymore. You have become American.

Go learn something about what it is to be a woman that does not involve taking your clothes off or open your legs! Learn something about the art of seduction before you try to run the game. Put your clothes back on. And, do they have to be so tight? We know you fly on the outside what about your insides? Stop having an opinion about EVERYTHING and let someone FUCKING LOVE YOU!!!!!-Now I am telling you I talk to me like this because I have to be real with me just the way I am with you so please know I am talking to me as well. I know several married couples who LOVE each other dearly and I have to tell you, what I learned most from my God Mommy who is 15 years younger than her husband is that sometimes you just have to shut up, and be a wife.

            Although I was raised in California and I am a woman of mixed heritage, I have seen first hand- the subjective nature of our often times non-altruistic- demeanor, that presents its self in the form of an exhausted, often over worked WOMAN OF COLOR, A BLACK WOMAN, ME. I call it the “why? Today God? Why me today?” energy- My mother, my grandma (Big P), my God mommy and countless other women-That look like me- Experience this feeling often, the thing that those women have that we do not is, their eyes on God. This is why they are still able to move faster than us, are healthier than us and have their wits about them.  They have not put their faith in earthly men. All those women of varying backgrounds have put their trust in the God, Olofi, Olorun, Jehovah, Yahweh, Buddha the name not important, they have and posses the energy. That is WISDOM… I digress

Girl, why are you so negative and anti anything-it seems at most times? Anything that seems to bleed the possibility of positive is grilled on the negative pit, that’s defeatism at its best. I wished I could say that you are only negative sometimes but your general disposition is placed in the minus negative category, often. When will you take responsibility for your actions?  We do not even know the difference at times to what we should see as negative and how we act to positive, verse what we ASSUME the situation to be.  We have and are -it seems- "like them”! Where did reason and logic go? What happen to our spiritual connection? Did you loose it in that Indian weave and dark and lovely? Creamy crack, perm it got you? What happen to talking to your sisters? Not using violence to solve your problems? When did you loose your voice? Do you realize you have given away all of your power?

We all have talked about “how” and “what” we do not want to be, however we are becoming those very things, we are the stereotypical “angry black woman”, or the “jezebel”. We have been breed to believe that the soup that feeds us is actually given us nourishment for our souls. Ha ha how UN true this is. This soup that we are being feed in this country first of all isn’t real food! Secondly if anything it’s ripping our souls apart from the inside out... check to see if you still have your shadow. 

However, what we have not been paying attention too is the 'nature of the beast' we have been trying to clean and clear off our skin. I am Africa you are AFRICA. From the moment you are born you are a representative of AFRICA and ambassador if you will. So my question is why you demeaning yourself as simply a whore? Video-vixen? Imbecile? You are now hooked on the creamy-crack and drinking the purple flavored kool-aid. 

I digress again, for that I apologize. In writing this letter to myself I thought it was a cathartic exercise now it is a full on letter to the woman in me and of the world.

Ask yourself:

WHAT DOES IT MEAN FOR ME TO BE WOMAN? 

-Do my actions match my womanhood? 

-Am I doing the best with what God (of your own understanding) gave me?

-Am I representing my ancestors properly? 

(Love this question cause my man spirit guide ‘Georgia’ was a prostitute she told me to say that to you all, cause she said she ended up here cause she didn't know what it meant to be woman, and although "I" died a Madam. My girls ran they own lives, in the end…) 

-How are you living? Where is God on your spiritual plate? 

-Young girls do you even love yourself? 

Those questions lead me to these topics:

1.Self Care

2.Respect of Time

3.Setting a Standard

4.Artiuclation/Communication

5.LOVE

1. Self Care:

Sounds so simple right? 

WRONG. (In my humble opinion) 

Self care does not only mean you care for your self. It means initially take care of yourself; it also encompasses the concept of caring for those around you. Simply put if you are caring for yourself then you are in turn caring for those around you. We are not naturally selfish creatures. And as black women we are natural nurturers. I am not talking about physical taking care either I am talking about caring for yourself in all aspects of life: SPIRITUAL, SPATIALLY, EMOTIONALLY etc., Black woman, you need to let your hair down, unwind, and remove yourself from the fear of larceny! Allow me to explain. There are some things in this category that got you here. As I have come to understand what I want in a mate I have had to look at myself and I understood I was not willing to get vulnerable.

-Vulnerability-

You are strong but you need a shoulder too. Hell, I know I did and because I was too busy being strong when I looked around I had no shoulders in my time of need. Being too strong you will crumble at some point when a harsh wind approaches. Not every man or woman you meet is out to get you. I am learning this myself. Know it is defeatist attitude to assume that because a sistah is reserved and withdrawn that she is stank? Why does smiling at you harm you? What about showing your softer side to the world compromises your strength? Self-preservation is a way of taking care too. Not joining the crowd and not always being accessible are not cause to call someone stank. They are not cause to harm someone who may just be seeking true sisterhood. When you put the wall up you turn people off, try meeting them where they are.

“If my blood take your blood” you will know. "We can see the pain in your forced smile, smile from the heart and you will see LOVE"- says the people at my neck

A person who comes to you with “hurt options”; know they have been hurt too. 

Believe, these words or not, however if you want new and different, try believing: I dare you to try vulnerability.  

TRUE VULNERABILITY: Find it with someone or you will never find out what your or his or her true potential is- so get out of the victim consciousness and explore the consciousness of vulnerability and KNOW ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE! 

-Stop being insecure and-

FIND YOUR DAMN SELF. You came here alone and even if you are a twin (like myself) you are a different person and you still came in this world alone, one at a damn time Tawio and Khinde!  Different people. 

-Lose the "Traits of insecurity"-

         1.Searching through their phone- 

You have your own phone grow up? If he or she cannot tell you what it is you want to know, and you somewhere in your body cannot TRUST that, then you need to not be in that relationship to begin with. Trust your instinct but check in as well. If your relationship hasn’t been built on trust then you aren’t really in a relationship and you both where “beards” for each other in some sense.  Please don't hear that I am simple just siding with men. I am not.  

We women are the keepers of tradition. The barometers of measurement, we are the boundary to the black family; we are the purveyors of LOVE and the keepers of time. Be that, nothing else but that, be present in all you do, AWAKEN THE BUDDHA with in.

         2. Accusing them of cheating-

Well let see if you stop responding "fine", and "ok", when something doesn't agree with your spirit, and RIGHT THEN AND THERE you address it you would not have to live with those feelings of insecurity. Right then is the proper time to say it doesn't agree with you. YOU NOW HAVE permission to calmly speak to your mate and discuss what is bothering you. Not weeks later when you have snooped through their phone, alienated them and out right made a fool of you... 

         3. Lying to keep them-

If you are lying to yourself then stop. Stop that right now. Just stop. If you are not able to verbalize all your wants to your mate then that person should not be your mate. If you are unable to tell the blatant truth to your mate then you probably shouldn’t be in that position. 

The prime example that comes to mind is no matter the type of relationship were you maybe lying:

A heterosexual person may say to there a mate: I am pregnant

A Homosexual person may say to their mate: Yes, I am open, to open relationship. 

If that is not your truth then do not declare it NEVER do anything against your will or instinct.

            4.Touching what’s mine

Call me an extremist if you will but if that HUMAN in front of you is in a ‘situation’ and you are aware of this, why are you still engaged in conversation? Why are you still entertaining the madness? Oh and please do not hear that I am anti- polygamy or polygamous relationships I am not, I am against lying, cheating, keeping your mate in the dark, unlabeled relationships, anyone who does not tell the complete truth.

I am against the sentiment behind the words: Boo, Bae, Baby. ( I usually say learn how to say my name before you change my name Yes, I am very liberal with something’s, however with this I am a prude:  allow me to explain from my experiences.

When you allow yourself to be “considered” as other and not as the date, the girlfriend, the fiancé and or the wife you are not given credence to the position you play in that person’s life. You in turn do not “live” anywhere in that person mind; you are a number or an option. My sistah, I am never optional.  It took me going through a lot of unnecessary HURT to understand I come first. This is also a noble truth… to understand the conditions of human suffering

There is so much more to this category, this just a start and know it is not easy so I tell you this with much confidence try it out and look at the results.

I do not want anyone else to be like me I do however want you to wake up and start holding people in our life responsible STARTING WITH SELF…

This is simply a draft  

An incomplete reflections because I am working out the kinks in the other categories and subsections, so I apologize for an incomplete reflections but I hope this is a launching pad

Today reflections: 

To examine where you are, and how you are when you are there, I challenge you to let go of the negative and embrace the positive. I challenge you to awaken the Buddha within; the very next reflection will have the second section and so on, until I have a complete letter.

Thank you to everyone the reads these reflections, that embraces some of them and that tell me I should be more In the world and even thank you to the negative ones for it is you that I still hold in silent prayer….

Reflections Eternal-